My fault

Why is it that everything is my fault. It's my fault when supper isn't what he wants. It's my fault cause I started my period. It's my fault cause he left his cash in the car and I need money too so I have the debit card. It's my fault cause I don't feel like having sex every freaking minute of the day. Everything is always my fault. We don't take blame for anything. It's tiring and very old. It's definitely wearing on our relationship. I don't know what to do. Cause no matter what I do It's not gonna be right. 

Just random thoughts.

I don't know where my life is going. I haven't had control in so long I don't think I even know where to start. Part of me just wants to go and start over somewhere new. I love my husband , and my kids dearly. But the older I am getting the more and more I wished I had experienced life more. And now I just want to go and see places meet new people. Get out of my comfort zone. I know I shouldn't worry about how my family would feel about me just going and finding myself again. But then I feel if they really loved me then they would be supportive. Ever since my dad passed and my brother passed things have been of kilter for me. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm finding that there is more and more that I want to do but part feels like it's being held back. I don't how to explain it. I feel like I'm not where I should be. 

Are fairytails real.

 I think every girls dreams of the perfect guy, whether it be Christian Grey and his ability to leave his past behind and learn to love for the first time. Or Gabreil to realize that he isn't actually the devil but an angel in disguise. Both these men build up a world that the worst man can turn out to be the most caring, thoughtful, and can love the deepest. But is there really a reality out there where a man can love as deeply as these characters in books. I think there is a story book romance out there for everyone.